“I wonder what’s around the bend…”
That’s the thought I noticed while on my silent walk last weekend.
I was none too pleased when Jackie Gartman announced that our morning hike would be a quiet one. It was the first full day of our coaches retreat and my extroverted, connector self was buzzing with conversations I wanted to have with my new (and old) coach buddies.
It’s funny that I found myself resisting this walk when I always start my day with quiet meditation… but that’s when I’m alone.
Quiet and alone is cool….
But when I’m with people… I want to …BE WITH THE PEOPLE!!!!
I am, however, a very compliant student so I acquiesced … I walked and I noticed what was coming up for me:
The sound of our footsteps, at first a cacophony of thuds and drops and then a rhythm, a cadence….left, right, left, right….
And then…. The bend…”I wonder what’s around the bend?”….. And boom… my first (and best) aha of the weekend because…
How you do one thing is how you do everything….(first tenet of life coaching)
I always want to know what’s around the corner. I think if I can see it coming, I can control it or even stave off or change the outcome.
The place this shows up the most for me is in my parenting. I want to protect, to nurture,to help, keep safe, instruct etc…. And if I can see the pitfalls, the bumps in the road ahead, I think I can prevent the pain that is sure to follow (of course we all know how that goes- if you aren’t sure click here to read more).
The lie I tell myself is that I’m a planner. I’m just trying to keep an orderly life, be competent and use my time and resources efficiently. But there’s a difference between planning and projecting.
- Planning is me keeping a schedule that is both flexible and structured. I allow for surprises and emergencies but I also hold myself to the promises I make for my clients, my family and myself.
- Projecting is when I obsessively contemplate worst case scenarios and possible solutions to them.
- Planning is what I do to keep my life running smoothly; it’s making sure there are green things to eat in the fridge and allowing time in my day for a balance of work, play and rest.
- Projecting is when I’m trying to control outcomes that are completely beyond my control.
The funny thing is that when I’m engaged in this behavior it keeps me from the very thing I most want- which is for my family, my friends and my clients to be able to live their own best lives; to seek their own answers and find their own comfort. When I try to shortcut their pain it only prolongs the learning process.
Getting quiet was the key for me to find this pesky, unhelpful thought. It’s one of the 7 tools I use to help my clients get to clarity, peace, and happiness. Want to know more? If you find yourself peeking around the bend or living in fear of worst case scenarios and would like to try something new, I can help. Click here for a free consultation so I can show you how to stop looking around every corner and live in the present in peace.