I’ve been reading a book called The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman, and in it the author talks about how we humans love new beginnings; a bright shiny new year, a new week, day, month or season, as well as new opportunities that we hope and pray for. What we don’t love: feeling the insecurity and ego bruising that often come with this state. We love new beginnings, but no one wants to actually be a beginner.
“We want our circumstances to change, to start again, to be brand-new. But when they change, we often don’t give ourselves permission to be new within them. Instead we want to rush ahead to mastery. We think we ought to know how to navigate the newness, especially if it’s something we wanted, something we prayed for, waited for, asked for, or planned” (Freeman)
This got me thinking about places in my own life where I wanted to see some change. I know I’m not alone when I say I find myself in a body that doesn’t look like it did in January 2020. I was thinking about how to apply this new “beginner” psychology to a better way of eating and treating my body when this happened:
As I thought about the concept of being a beginner my mind started back talking me (it’s like a disrespectful teen sometimes). It told me I was anything but a beginner for goodness sake. “You are a professional dieter” (not a compliment by the way) it taunted,” you have lost weight before and you know all the tools, tricks and b.s. the diet industry tries to pawn off on you” it continued with that snarky, rude, eye rolling attitude.
It’s true, too. I do know all the so called secrets and I’ve tried most of them only to realize that most conventional diets are pretty unsustainable for me. And I vowed several years ago to never take on any “diet” that I wasn’t willing to do forever. Which, for me, translates to eating well and intuitively and paying attention to what my body (not the nasty teen in my head) is telling me.
My big aha was this: I AM a beginner even though I can tell you what you are supposed to eat on day one of the Scarsdale Diet (mostly grapefruit as I recall) or how to intermittently fast or count points or what is and is not allowed on the Whole 30 or the Paleo diet plans. I am a beginner because I have never been here before.
I have never been this age, this weight, this depleted, with this under functioning thyroid, during a pandemic (please let us not forget the pandemicness of it all). In addition, I left out a whole bunch of other “beginner” things like the death of a loved one, recovering from covid, trying to maintain a business and being a loving partner to someone who is trying to do the same thing.
So yes, I am a beginner. And everyday I remind myself of that fact. And you know what? It’s a much kinder and healthier way of being with myself. Even if you have tried to do that thing you want to do a hundred times before – today you are a beginner because you have never been today years old before. You have never woken up in this today, in this space, with this body, in this health, with these circumstances.
There is a quote I love from the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”
So even if the river seems familiar – it’s not the same. Therefore, I confer on you beginner status. Act accordingly.
What about you? Are you finding yourself starting from scratch in a place that feels familiar but different? Maybe it’s your weight or your mental health or a relationship that feels sticky. Maybe you are picking up the pieces of a life that looks nothing like the one you imagined. Please try to remember – you are a beginner.
If you are struggling with your beginnerness, maybe I can help. Click here for a free 30 minute call with me to help you begin beginning.
** Disclaimer: I really loved Emily’s book and if you struggle with making decisions it’s excellent – one caveat – it’s definitely written from a (Christian) faith perspective, so if that isn’t your bag it may not be for you. If you are looking for ways to shore up your habits and decision making but prefer something more secular I would suggest Gretchen Rubin’s work: The Four Tendencies or Better than Before are great places to start (as is her podcast).