I was talking to a dear friend recently and it was clear something was not quite right. This is a woman who practically sparkles with energy, enthusiasm, gratitude and joy – but not today. She’d lost her shine and all she could tell me were the things that were bringing her down. I get it – the world can be a dark and depressing place if we don’t allow for hope and joy to balance out its harsh realities.
I knew something was wrong and so did she, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. All she could do was tell me about her mile long “to-do” list and all the ways her circumstances seemed to keep defeating her best intentions to “get shit done”. She was not only talking in circles, but seemed to be spinning out both figuratively and literally. She couldn’t get started, couldn’t stay focused and couldn’t get motivated.
I listened for a bit and then allowed myself to ask the question that popped into my head so clearly, I couldn’t help myself but ask:
What are you doing for fun?
She stopped.
She stuttered.
She couldn’t answer.
But because she is a very smart and intuitive lady by her own rights, she knew the truth when she heard it.
She had lost touch with her joy. And what’s more – she had forgotten in the interim just what makes her smile, what gives her energy, what she could get lost in for hours at a time without looking up or at her watch.
I work with a lot of people who have this same dilemma (and to be honest, I’ve found my own joy MIA on more than one occasion). As a coach, I spend a lot of time with clients who come to me because something is missing. Quite often that “something” is joy.
Sometimes it’s an easy and short hop, skip and jump back on the joy path, but sometimes we wander so far that it takes a while and some deep uncovering to find it again.
Often the things that once brought us joy shift. As our lives, jobs, neighborhoods, friends and family change we often need to find new sources of said joy. Change isn’t a bad thing, but it can be lonely and confusing.
In fact, one of the (mistaken) ways I can try to get my happy back is by setting goals and intentions and (cough, cough) resolutions. There is nothing wrong with goals and resolutions except that they are no substitute for FUN.
And let me tell you – if you think being hard on yourself, telling yourself you don’t get to have fun until __________(fill in your own blank here) will motivate you, I’ll let you in on a secret – you will burn out, you will spin out, and you will find yourself like my friend – not quite knowing why you can’t seem to get done what you need to do. The answer is rest and play and fun!
My friend had to reconnect with herself to remember what makes her happy. If you, like her, have lost touch with what brings you delight, here is an exercise I love to give my clients; it’s easy and fun and it will help you locate that lost jubilance.
And remember this isn’t an exercise in hedonism – it’s for your own good! You will find that if you make time for rest, play, and fun – you will find yourself being more productive.
So, if you are knee deep in resolutions – Congrats! That is fantastic! But don’t forget to make time for joy, for fun, for laughter, and play! It’s Friday…what will you do for fun??
If you are having trouble locating your joy how about talking with a professional “joy expert” (that would be me). Click here for a free 20-minute clarity call. I can help you figure out just what you need to be a little more joyful in this new year!