I do a lot of talking, thinking and coaching about the Empty Nest. My goal is to help women navigate this next phase in their lives with as much ease and grace as possible. Many of my clients get stuck and they don’t know why or how to move forward. They can’t quite turn the page even though they long to start a new chapter.
What I have found is understanding where you are and how and why you got there can go a long way towards moving forward.
So here is my take on why the Empty Nest can feel so troublesome.
- Whenever we change the way we define ourselves it leads to some sort of grieving period (and you are now an empty nester, or the parent of a college student- this definition is new for you). Your distress may (or may not) be short lived but like any good grief counselor will tell you: it takes as long as it takes, there are no hard and fast rules or statute of limitations on grief. One thing I know for sure, though, owning the sadness helps you get through it. Denial will only prolong it.
- All at once your relationships are changing… not just the one with your child but your relationships with your spouse/partner, yourself and the world.
- You are having to redefine how you operate in your home and in your life with a member (or members) of your family now absent. This affects everything from how you grocery shop to how you spend your free time.
- This change happens to coincide with that particular season also known as the “mid-life crisis.” Now, I hate that term because it conjures up images of red sports cars and plastic surgery, but there is a truth to the reality of it. All of a sudden you have a bit more free time, but it comes at the same point you are realizing that time is limited. If you want to write that novel, walk the Camino in Spain, start that nonprofit or learn to paint, the clock is ticking.
When you realize that everything is changing and the world is spinning, it is good to stop, slow down and allow yourself the freedom to own your true feelings.
Unfortunately many of us tend to do the exact opposite. In order to avoid the painful feelings of loss and displacement we run headlong into whatever shiny activity is just over the horizon. I’ve seen a lot of women do this in the first couple of years after their kids leave. Maybe you are doing it now or are tempted by it. That is so o.k., too. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you how to feel or operate as you take this next step…
but if you are feeling sad or lonely or stuck… here’s some advice from someone who’s been there:
- Allow yourself to feel what you feel no matter what your friends, mother in law, or well-meaning coaches may tell you
- Treat yourself like you would a dear friend who is in pain- would you tell her to “buck up for God’s sake”? I doubt it, and yet that is often how we speak to ourselves.
- If you feel stuck or sad or lonely… call me, your Empty Nest Life Coach. This is what I do! I am an expert at getting people unstuck and helping them turn that page to the next chapter! Click here to schedule your free call with me!