How do you eat a cupcake?
The answer may say a lot about you. Being a coach I spend a good deal of time helping people set goals. My training taught me that breaking down goals into the smallest possible increments and then rewarding each tiny victory in some tangible way works amazingly well at getting the job done. It constantly surprises me when clients balk at this (I don’t know why- human nature being what it is – we are all natural balkers). They want to get from point A to point B – FAST. There are all kinds of boring studies and statistics about reinforcement and behavior… blah blah blah. The point is, we all start projects with great intentions, enthusiasm and energy only to be faced with the reality that Rome was not, in fact built in a day. So we quit. The diet and exercise plan, the closet clean up, the taxes that are due, the dream for a better job/relationship/life. Because very little of what we want in life is achievable in a day, a week, a month or sometimes even a year. So I teach people to break it down. Turtle step.
Reward. Turtle step. Reward.
So back to my question. If you eat the frosting and the cake together (the way I do – and yes it’s not pretty but it makes me happy) the turtle step/reward cycle works pretty well for you. You make your lists and happily check off items (maybe with a set of colored sharpie markers) and treat yourself as you go along. Rewarding comes easily; you see it as the natural response to a job well done. If you eat the frosting first, the idea of rewards is easy to swallow (pun intended). You believe you deserve to have the best parts first, so treating yourself is something that comes naturally to you. Where you may get into trouble is if you discard the “cake” altogether in favor of frosting only. You may struggle with creating goals and sticking with the plan. You may benefit from an accountability partner or coach to keep you on task.
By far the most difficult client for me is the “frosting last” person. You think you only deserve to be rewarded once the entire job is done. Period. These thoughts usually have roots in our childhood; from our parents or possibly our religious upbringing. Breaking them can be tough, but once you realize you are allowed to enjoy life in the “in between” time of cake and frosting there is no stopping you. You become a force of nature.
So… how do you eat your cupcake?