Why are we so damned hard on ourselves?
Some of you know I had a run of bad luck recently; wallet stolen, hit by a truck on the highway on my way to get a new drivers license… and I did what many of us do…. I retraced my steps and actions and wondered where I went wrong and what I could have done differently. Now these days with all my coaching buddies literally using me as a practice dummy, I have become a lot less anxious (read: crazy) and I see these thoughts for what they are: untruths that keep me from being happy and living in the present. I quickly dissolved the thoughts that I was somehow responsible for someone deciding to enter my car and take what didn’t belong to them and the ridiculous notion that I was in any way responsible for the truck driver swerving into my lane. I was made aware once again of how pervasive this attitude is, however, when my mother recently had a car accident of her own. Let me just tell you a little about my mother; she is one of the kindest, most forgiving people I have ever known. If I have a problem or feel “less than” she is my biggest cheerleader, my glass is half full optimist. She always thinks the best of me- even when I don’t deserve it. She extends this grace to everyone…. except one person- herself. The good news is the accident was not serious; no one was injured. But I kept hearing my mother explain that had she been paying closer attention she could have prevented it . I would remind her how that is the nature of accidents and that’s why we have insurance, and thank God no one was hurt…. and she would agree. And a few minutes later she would interject- I can’t believe I let that happen. I reminded my mother that had it been me in that same situation she never would have said those things to me-she would have treated me kindly, she would have thanked God for the avoidance of injury and told me to drink some tea and go to bed. Why can’t we treat ourselves with the same love and care we treat others? Why do we talk to ourselves in ways we never would to a friend? Why do we hold ourselves to a standard that is so impossible? More importantly…. how do we stop this abusive behavior towards ourselves? I think the first order of business is to pay attention to our thoughts. It sounds deceptively simple doesn’t it? The truth is our thoughts take us into some pretty dangerous neighborhoods and we are often too distracted to notice. So begin today by noticing what you are thinking and how you are talking to yourself. My hunch is you will be surprised at how you speak to the most important person you will ever know… you!